"it" just moved
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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