She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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