Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize