He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
