So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
