laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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