You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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