According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
