if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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