She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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