I just pynch a tree in the face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
