dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
