I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think my moral compass just broke
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
