4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
