I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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