Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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