i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do herpes really smell.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
