From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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