Don't you send me to vm
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
