honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
