And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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