I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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