Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
