He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
