just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
