Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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