Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
