This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
