lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
