So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
