I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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