Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
