PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
