You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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