No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
