i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
