I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
