Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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