ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
