you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
