apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize