I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize