I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
