3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
