I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
