Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
