I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize