all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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