ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
