you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just forgot I was standing up.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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