I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
