i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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