I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
