Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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