Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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