Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
