She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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