I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize