im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
