I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
