i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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