Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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