I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
