I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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