he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
