I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
