Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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