At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
