dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
