office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
